welcome to my life

I was 16 at that time. He was my best friend. We talked a lot. And I had a wonderful memory sharing laughter with him. Until he courted me. Until then, I was a naive woman and never took him seriously. Months later, he courted me again. And so I can’t resist his ever charming charm, so I gave in. We had a real first kiss at a movie house. And literally there were butterflies in the stomach.

And now I’m 21, and I’m still stuck with him. I don’t know what our current relationship is. He was never there when I needed him the most, but he is always there when I don’t need him. He pops out of nowhere. We actually make up and break up. But he’s the only one who remains constant in my life. I remember even though we fight a lot on text messages or YM’s but we never fought personally. He dated other women after we broke up, and I did too. It seems perfect. We moved on.

But suddenly things changed. We ended up talking to each other again. Year after year. Its hard because I always wanted to move on. But I can’t. Because he is always there. He never greeted me happy birthday, or Merry Christmas, or Happy Valentines Day. Heck, we don’t even know the exact date when we first became a couple. But he always say "hi" on YM’s when I’m gloomy. He constantly annoy me. I hate him, yet I love him. He sends me really nasty messages like awfully nasty. But somehow, I find a way to forgive him without him asking for forgiveness. It’s weird. 

I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him, because I can’t stand him. We’re so alike and very compatible yet we can’t seem to make our relationship work. He seems to enjoy it when I clearly need him and long for him, and he would just plainly ignore me. Then when I thought I just moved on and dated other hotter guys and thought I’m over him, He would come again into my life. It’s so hard. Like a roller coaster ride. You don’t know whats coming next. By the way, he was never sweet. To tally it up, it was only twice in the past 5 years that he told me he loved me. He just kisses me a lot. And hug me and look me in the eyes. He would catch a glimpse of me once in a while or stare at me awkwardly and I could feel my cheeks burning. It’s like when we date, he don’t watch the movie. I would usually catch him staring at me. When we were dating, we don’t talk about our relationship. I think he’s uncomfortable with it. I’m usually a blabber mouth, but when he’s around, I find myself melting at his eyes. He has the most gorgeous eye brows in the world. I’m a sucker for eyes.

And then I would really hate him, because he always tell his friends that I was the one who pay our dates which is so not true. He would brag about the way I’m crazy about him. He tells his friends that I’m so gaga about him, that I would spend and save money for him. When the truth is, it was his money that we spend on dates. He usually flirts on my girl friends which really gets into my nerves. He do that in purpose to hurt me because I was really close to a guy best friend which I think is gay.

He constantly seek for revenge. It’s like whatever I did to him to hurt him, he would do it to me too. It’s like a stupid cycle which I really don’t want to be part of.

But whatever it’s worth, I’m stuck with him. Probably forever.. oh no.. (